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How Do You Feel about Getting Older?
 Posted by Michelle Butler Jun 5 2011, 7:35 pm in confidence, Expectations, fear, fitness, Holidays, inspiration, Michelle Butler, Michelle Mondays, positive thinking June 4th was my birthday. I know the stereotype of a single woman in her 30s would be to bemoan the fact that I am now one year closer to 40 with less chances of getting married or having kids, but honestly, I feel fabulous! Saturday was a wonderful day in the midst of a great weekend. There are so many reasons to be very happy about my life right now. My journey to become a happy, healthy writer continues, and I’ve just been kicking butt for years now. I look and feel great – better than I did when I was younger but heavier. I’m happy. I have a strong, positive sense of self and almost can’t believe that I was struggling with that just 6 months or so ago. I am surrounded by a great boyfriend, family and friends (in alphabetical order). There are wonderful aspects about my career, and I have a very vibrant, satisfying life outside of work. Yes, I may struggle at times and have bad days, but overall, life is good. I do wonder why there is such a strong message out there that getting older is awful. Is it all about mortality? Is appearance more important? Is it increased responsibilities and stress? It does seem like the last birthday one can be excited about is 21 and after that it is all down hill. Just last year, I took a work colleague out to lunch on her 24th birthday, and she was so moved when I told her life just gets better as you get older. You know yourself better. You have a much stronger clue as to what would be good for you. You’re more confident and care less what others think about what you are doing. She just kept repeating nobody had ever told her that. In case I start feeling bad about getting older this week, I can pull out the Sunday Washington Post Magazine from last week. It was about women and aging, and the general message was it can and does get better. Naomi Wolff wrote a great essay attacking the age myth and equating it to the beauty myth. There were profiles of three different women who became competitive athletes in their late 50′s. There were some warnings about the stories you tell yourself about your age and the boundaries you may place on yourself because you tell yourself you are too old for something. How do you feel about getting older? What stories are you telling yourself about your age? Are you getting old before your time?
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I had such a hard time turning 30. And then I realized very quickly that the 30′s were SO much better than my 20′s! I’m much happier with me, feel the need to apologize for myself less, understand that I don’t always have to be a people pleaser to be a good person. Despite being heavier, I think I’m in the best shape I’ve been since I was 19.
I am getting pretty close to 40, but I am not dreading it the way I was 30. To me it feels like something to celebrate rather than lament.
Hopefully I just get better with age! LOL!
I didn’t like turning 30, but I went on a fabulous trip with my sister to celebrate my 30th b-day and that certainly lessened the sting. Any angst I felt about it now seems silly.
I do remember seeing an Oprah show years ago in which Oprah and Whitney Houston told Maria Carey that the 30′s were so much better than your 20′s for many of the reasons we discussed. That stuck somewhere. I do think there are good times at any age – not just one period that are the best days of your life.
Belated happy birthday, Michelle!
I’m approaching 50, but don’t worry too much about age. Possibly because I have a husband who is much older than me, though he is very young at heart and no-one believes he is the age he is!
I’m much more relaxed now that I’m older and I don’t care so much about pleasing others. I wish I wasn’t as heavy as I am, but I’m happy with the person I am (or at least happier than the person I was!). I don’t stop myself from doing things because of my age, but my tastes have also changed! The only restriction I put on myself now is that there are some clothes I can no longer wear because they’re not age appropriate.
Mortality is my biggest niggle, rather than worry. I’m very conscious that life is short and don’t like wasting time on unnecessary angst.
Thanks, Anna! My maternal grandmother would always say that getting older is better than the alternative. I do think that there were points in her 90s when she disagreed, but I do remember that bit of wisdome when I want to get sad about a b-day.
I think remembering life is short and not giving in to unnecessary angst are attitudes to be proud of!
Anna – you’re approaching 50?????????
I never would have guessed that!
Currnetly I am 47. I can’t do anything about my age. Take a breath and I am a little older. But each time I take a breath, I know I am still living.
It is about enjoying the now, rather than wishing for the past or wishing my life away.
I have known too many people who did not make 30, 40, 50 or name the age. I’ve known too many people who planned for retirement, only to retire and after a few weeks die. Equally I know people who live well into their 90s. The thing is to enjoy each stage as it comes because you can’t stop the years from rolling by. And hanging another year on the line is a good thing.
I am glad that I had my children when I did as I was young enough to enjoy them. And I am pleased that I can concentrate a little bit on my career now. But really you what do when you do it. Certain things are easier at certain times in your life but most things are not impossible and there are always consequences.
It is easier to lose weight when you are younger. After 40, the metabolism slows. But you just adjust your sights and get on with it.
Thanks, Michelle! I love your line: “It is about enjoying the now, rather than wishing for the past or wishing my life away.” Another bit of grandmother wisdom (same one mentioned above) was that last bit – don’t wish your life away.
We’ve talked about at WW about whether your metabolism slows after you hit 40. Some argue it’s more that folks get more sedentary, lose muscle tone, etc. It’s one of the arguments for strength-training (even if it initially slows down the weight loss.)
I remember turning 30 was a tad traumatic, but then the 30s were great. I just turned 41 a week ago, but last year when I hit 40 I’ll admit to getting a little freaked out because there is still so much I want to do and see in life, and the mortality thing was niggling, as Anna said. But that’s why I want to lose weight and be healthier, so that I can have a lot of years left.
I know I already told you, but Happy Birthday again.
Glad it was such a good day.
Thanks, Trish! It was a fun day and weekend.
May your 40s be as great and as healthy as your 30s! I do think staying healthy puts more life in your years.
I loved both my 20s and my 30s. My 40s have also been great thus far. I do have the occasional worry about mortality and the speed with which life seems to pass by, but a real test for me is the question of whether I’d trade places with someone in their 20s–and the answer is a definitive “no”!
When thoughts of mortality strike, I think back to the year when I hiked Mt Whitney in California. I was 26 and when I made it to the top of the mountain and signed the registry, I was not only the youngest person to have hiked the mountain that day (most people were in their 50s), a 91-year old woman had beat me both up the trail and down (I didn’t even see her!!). Staying in shape is a life-long commitment and it has a huge impact on quality of life. I decided on that mountaintop that I wanted to be like that woman when I grew up
Awesome, Elise! I’m glad you loved both your 20s and 30s.
There have been moments when I wouldn’t mind being a few years younger – but I’d want to be just like myself right this second – only a few years younger. It doesn’t work that way, and I know what can cause those thoughts.
That’s amazing about the 91-year-old woman who beat your 26-year-old-self up Mt. Whitney. I love that story! Staying in shape really does make such a difference in the life in your years. That’s something I need to remind myself when I’d rather sit on the couch than go to the gym.
Time does really speed up though as we get older, doesn’t it? I don’t know what to do about that other than try to enjoy each moment left.
Yeah, I have to say that the hiking I did when I lived out West really humbled me. There I’d be, feeling all physically and emotionally exhausted (sometimes on the verge of tears I was so tired), but also studly and proud because my 20-something self was carrying a 40 pound pack at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, on an 8-day hike on unmaintained trails. And then I’d run across the mother-daughter team (I’d guess 70 years old and 50, respectively), on the same trail, and they’re just chattering away, smiling, clearly having a great time (and NOT near tears). They said they loved that hike and did it every year. The studly feeling would vanish and I’d be left with a profoundly different understanding of age and being in shape.
That’s really a gift to your future self. Do you plan to rehike any of these trails in your 50′s,70′s or 90′s?
I’d love to hike the Grand Canyon again, although not necessarily the trails I did before. Probably the only trail I’d really like to repeat is the hike to Kearsarge Pass in the Sierra Nevadas. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a stunning landscape anywhere.
Happy birthday once again, and kudos for this post. I’m over it. My 30s have been better than my 20s. I still have plenty to do, but I have such better perspective about everything and don’t feel such pressure to get something done before a certain age. More importantly, I’m not as hard on my appearance. I don’t have stretch marks. Those are battle scars, people.
Great attitude, Michelle, and I am happy for you. I can practically feel the happiness ooze from your post.
Thanks, Sally!! Glad to hear that life is just getting better for you too. It is nice to be more comfortable in your skin and with who you are, isn’t it?