The Healthy Writer Blog

Roadblock? Or a Possible Jump Start?

Posted by Michelle Butler Apr 10 2011, 9:34 pm in Expectations, inspiration, Michelle Butler, Michelle Mondays, motivation, progress

All the peace I was feeling about my recent 3.4 pound gain and determination to see the next weigh in as feedback seemed to disappear when I was told I had just lost .4 of a pound last week. Yes, I was more upset to lose .4 than I had been to gain .4 the week before. This is yet more evidence as to why it is best to have no expectations when you approach the scale.

So, a funk about how I just seem to be treading water in my weight loss efforts for the past year threatened (yes, my brain moved from .4 being about just one week to being about a whole year in mere minutes) when I was given a more serious challenge to my forward progress. My beloved Weight Watchers (WW) leader Melvin announced at the end of the meeting that he was leaving his WW job at the end of the month to be able to see his seven-year-old son’s soccer games instead of just signing him up for them.

This was so big I didn’t even think about it much at first. Yes, it is good that Melvin is doing what is best for his family, but really I was concerned about how this would affect my own journey. I started to worry that this could give me the excuse I was looking for to drop out.

The right WW leader makes such a difference. Who was going to replace him? I’ve seen plenty of WW leaders and meetings that did nothing for me. Would the new leader resonate? There was great community in my regular meeting, but would that all disappear? I didn’t want to waste my time by sitting week after week in a meeting that did not help me. The Wednesday and Thursday leaders had some strengths, but they weren’t as good as Melvin. Should I try one of those meetings if the new Tuesday leader stunk? I also asked if I would continue to go. There are times when I wonder if it is time for a different approach than WW anyway given I’m not really getting much smaller.

Wednesday night, I had dinner with my best WW buddy, and we talked about this. He was a little threatened by the change too. After we talked about how this could be awful for us while acknowledging that it would be best for Melvin, we tried to focus on what was best for our forward progress.

A woman had returned to the Tuesday meeting, and Melvin asked why she was back. She pointed at her middle. I’ve seen her join and drop out at least 3 or 4 times since I started going to this one meeting regularly. One stretch, her mom went with her. Each time she rejoined she had gained back what she had lost in her previous attempt. This is a familiar pattern for many including me. I can’t even say for sure how many times I’ve joined WW. It could very well be in the 20s. Seeing this woman return again could be a look at the future me if I let Melvin leaving give me an excuse to quit.

My favorite WW buddy and I discussed this lady and our own experiences. The past times we had quit Weight Watchers always led to a weight gain. We committed to giving it a good effort to find the right meeting for us if the new Tuesday night leader did not resonate. As the week continued, I tried to think of other ways I could make this commitment stick more for me. Yes, I’ve promised to continue with Weight Watchers until I reach my goal weight, but that may not be as compelling as it once was.

I’ve thought about trying to come up with some kind of challenge that would carry me through the next few months. June 4 is my birthday and seems like a great end date. The meeting topic this past week was the Walk-It Challenge: Why Goals Matter And How to Set the Right Ones for Yourself. (Yes, I am aware how the world sometimes gives me the answer I need at the same time it gives me a potential roadblock. Tuesday’s Biggest Loser had some timely messages for me as well.) The Walk-It Challenge is to train for and participate in a 5K walk on May 22.

Now, I doubt there was ever a time in my life when I couldn’t walk a 5K, but perhaps I could come up with some other kind of goal that would work. I tend to do better with process goals than end goals though, so I’m having a hard time coming up with a good one. I really don’t think saying I’ll run a 5K on May 22 would motivate me. Actually, it might push me out even more as I still dislike running.

I do not do well at all with I’ll lose x amount of weight by such a date. I have thought about setting a goal to be able to wear an outfit on my b-day that is too small to wear now. This is not about appearance, but it is so cool to fit into smaller clothes. I’ve thought about setting a goal to go to at least 3 or 4 classes a week at the gym per week until June 4. I’ve still not come up with the right challenge to help ensure I will still be going to WW meetings regularly a couple months after Melvin leaves.

I realize that I am completely responsible for the success of my health, fitness and weight loss journey, but I can’t overstate how much people go to our Tuesday WW meetings because of Melvin. One of my other buds is on a business trip right now, and I emailed her the news.

She had known for a month but had been sworn to secrecy. This had given her more time to process this and start to see the silver lining. She adored Melvin, but she has been going to the Tuesday night meetings as long or even longer than me. This had given her the opportunity to hear a lot of Melvin’s thoughts on weight loss. Hearing another person’s perspective may give her the jump start she needed to move forward again on her weight loss efforts.

I was so impressed by her optimism. I had challenged myself at least once to see Melvin’s replacement as something that could be better for me as opposed to a complete disaster, but I have miles to go before I reach her ability to see the silver lining. I’m already really working hard to make sure I give myself the chance to travel those miles though. A jump start would be so welcome right now.

Have there been times when you’ve been able to change a roadblock into a jump start? Do you have any thoughts on what would be a good goal for me to set to achieve by June 4?

7 Comments

Comments

7 Responses to “Roadblock? Or a Possible Jump Start?”

Anna Sugden says:

April 11, 2011 at 4:52 am

Hugs, Michelle, it’s never easy to lose a mentor and motivator! I know I’d feel the same – I was so sad to leave my boxing trainer behind in NJ and haven’t worked out the same way (injuries aside) since.

But, I’m also lucky to have a wonderful hubby who puts things into perspective for me – it sounds like your WW buddies do the same for you! One of the things I try to do is work out the worst case scenario. Then find a way out of that scenario. By doing that, you often see that worst case isn’t so bad and that you can deal with it – which gives you a positive mind-frame.

You’ve already started to do that!

As for your target, I think you need something that is concrete and can be achieved with work. Weight loss and inch loss are great, but so many factors play into that and this is all about a mental need. So I’d do something like attending gym classes.

The best goals for me are usually reward-related *g*. Perhaps you can set yourself a target and reward yourself with something new and fab for your kitchen … or a new outfit or some other special treat.

Reply
- Michelle Butler says:
  
  April 11, 2011 at 10:44 am
  
  Thanks, Anna! I’m in a much better mindframe about this all then I was mid-week last week.
  
  I think I’m going to try to come up with some realistic weekly work out goal. It will offer some great rewards during (stress relief and those happy endorphens) and perhas some longterm benefits (inches lost).
  
  I would like to wear something on my b-day that does not fit now. I actually spent a lot of time with my clothes this weekend – switching over from fall/winter to spring/summer and identifying more stuff that is too big and should go to goodwill. I have a real good idea of how things fit right now. Actually, I was surprised by how well some stuff fit, how much was too big. Of course there was some stuff that was too small and a little to long way off to fitting, but overall, I was feeling good about myself at the end of it all.
  
  Reply
Trish Milburn says:

April 11, 2011 at 9:57 am

So sorry to hear about Melvin, but I do like your friend’s attitude that it could actually end up being a good thing. We all get into our comfort zones, and sometimes it takes a push out of that comfort zone to get us going in the right direction again.

You know I’m a big fan of my FitBit, so my thought was that you should give yourself a little birthday present early. You could try tracking steps and calories burned for awhile and see what patterns you see and how they affect your weight loss. I’m embarking on a challenge too to see if I can possibly burn 2,500 calories a day during this entire week. I’ve been plateaued for the past month, so I need a kick-start too.

Reply
- Michelle Butler says:
  
  April 11, 2011 at 11:00 am
  
  Thanks, Trish! It will be interesting to see how it all shakes out on Tuesday nights.
  
  I know you like your FitBit. I’m not sure it would work for me philosophically, but I’ll think about it. It could help.
  
  Reply
Elise Hayes says:

April 12, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Hey Michelle,

Sorry to be chiming in so late! I like your friend’s point that a new leader can mean a new perspective, a fresh voice. But it will be hard to transition (when will Melvin be leaving?) and I think one way to deal with that is to promise yourself that you’ll keep going regularly to that meeting for “x” amount of time–Six weeks? Eight?–to give the new person a chance. There’s going to be a mourning period where you’re not likely to see the strengths of the new person, so give that person some time. (My family moved a lot when I was growing up and my personal rule was that I wasn’t allowed to say I hated a place until I’d lived there a year. Only then could I make that judgment call. Usually, after a year, I’d been there long enough to see the positives about the new place–although not always). Obviously, I’m not suggesting you give the new person a full year, but it may help to decide ahead of time how long you’ll give him/her…

Good luck with this one–and keep us posted!

Reply
- Michelle Butler says:
  
  April 12, 2011 at 7:40 pm
  
  Thanks, Elise! Melvin is leaving at the end of the month. That is a really good idea to give the new person some time – and time for me to get over my initial resentment that he or she is NOT Melvin. One or two of my buds will really encourage me to continue, and that is nice to know too.
  
  The meeting tonight was incredibly motivating. And at the weigh in, I got to chat with Melvin a bit about his leaving. He’s upset about the whole thing/the change is shaking him up. In some (hopefully still healthy) way, that was helpful to see. I’m in a pretty good, optimistic mood about Weight Watchers and my whole healthy journey right now.
  
  Reply
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