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Romance Biggest Winner: My Personal Motivation
 Posted by Trish Milburn Jun 21 2011, 12:01 am in eating healthy, goals, guest blogger, weight loss By Ashley March
Almost two weeks ago I posted an announcement on my Twitter and Facebook accounts about the possibility of a Biggest Loser-like weight loss competition for romance readers and authors. The response I received was very enthusiastic, and I’m thrilled to say that the Romance Biggest Winner competition will begin on July 5, 2011 and run through January 5, 2012. For more details, see this post at the blog for updates. Today, however, Trish has been gracious enough to ask me to blog at Healthy Writer about my own personal motivation for wanting to coordinate Romance Biggest Winner. (Thanks, Trish!) To be honest, I’m very vulnerable when it comes to my appearance and how people perceive me. This is one reason why I try to always be the person taking pictures instead of the one in front of the camera. However, after years of attempting to lose weight and keep it off unsuccessfully, I’ve become just desperate enough to reach out to others for accountability. I’m one of those people who use food for comfort. It makes me happy—even if temporarily—and helps me de-stress. That’s part of my problem. As a writer with a full-time day job and another part-time job, with two little ones who regularly wake up during the night, and writing hours that occur after the sun goes down, I also use food to help me stay awake. I don’t drink coffee or tea because I can’t stand the taste, and I gave up soda nearly three years ago when I discovered I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. Food gives me the rush I need to stay up late until everything I need to do is accomplished. However, as I look at myself objectively, I can see that these temporary fixes are destroying my health and if I don’t get my act together now, the consequences of my poor health habits will soon overwhelm me. I’m 27 years old and need to lose at least 100 pounds to be at a healthy weight. I’ve been trying to be “the skinny girl” since I was in elementary school and became aware of the fact that I looked different than everyone else. I know how to count calories, can tell you the healthiest “power” foods, know all the terminology used by the experts, and understand that nothing but eating healthfully and exercising regularly will help me to lose weight and keep it off. And yet, up to this point it has been a barrier I haven’t been able to cross. Instead I’ve tried to lose weight quickly because I felt like I would only be able to succeed once I was skinny. So I’ve fasted and binged repeatedly, from the time I was a teenager to just a few weeks ago. It was at the point of failure for my latest fast that I decided to start the Romance Biggest Winner. I can’t stand doing this to myself anymore. My husband has been overweight most of his life as well, and we have a running joke that we’ll always start “tomorrow”. In the past few years, the joke has lost its humor. Instead of being accountable to one another, we’ve become each others’ enablers. It’s my hope that by having him see me get healthy, he’ll be motivated to try once again and that we’ll both, this time, be successful. Although my goal for the Romance Biggest Winner competition is to lose weight, it’s not my primary focus. I want to lose weight because I want to be healthy. There was once a time in my life when I envied all the skinny girl clothes—the jeans, the bikinis, the lingerie. I’ve had two children since then and realize I’ll probably never wear a bikini. But now, although I still want to be able to wear cute clothes, my greater desire is to be healthy. I don’t want to experience gall bladder attacks every few months. I want to be healthy so that I can enjoy hiking and biking and all the other fun activities I see people doing with their families. I want to grow old and be able to see my grandchildren grow up, not die prematurely because I allowed myself to contribute to the slow destruction of my body. I also want to be an example for my daughters. Growing up, I had one side of the family who was very overweight—some morbidly obese, even—and although I understood that none of them were comfortable with their weight, there was so much love and happiness when they were together, and food always took a central role at their gatherings. On the other side of my family, everyone was “skinny” in my eyes—although a lot of them were smokers—but they didn’t seem nearly as happy. My mother had been overweight as a girl and in order to lose weight when she was a teenager, she drank nothing but tea and ate nothing but soup to get down to her goal weight. She’d been obsessive about her weight since then, and that obsession transferred to me. I have clear memories of her sitting on the kitchen stool in shorts, pinching the flesh on the inside of her thigh and telling me how disgusting it was. (My thighs were twice the size of hers.) Throughout her life, I never knew her to be happy with how she looked, even though she was one of the slimmest people I knew. I’m not going to blame either side of my family for my personal choices—I AM responsible for my lifestyle and the decisions I’ve made. But I can’t help but think that if I had been given better examples, it would have been easier for me to be confident and choose a healthier path. This is what I hope to model for my daughters, not to be obsessive about their body image, but to choose a healthy way of life because that’s simply what’s best. I know that speaking about our weights and confessing that we need help is a very difficult thing to do, and this is why I’ve been so encouraged already by the many romance readers and authors who have stepped up to the Romance Biggest Winner challenge. I admire each and every one of them for taking advantage of this opportunity and putting themselves in the public spotlight. And it is my great hope that when January 5, 2012 comes around, we will all have journeyed down a path toward better health and blocked out the road behind us: always going forward, never returning to the sedentary, unhealthy women we once were. ~~~~~
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Hi Ashley, thank you for being so honest and forthright. I identify with where you’re at. Only I’ve been at it a lot longer. It’s good that you know what needs to change at your age.
I finally got motivated a couple of years ago and over two years lost 60 lbs. Then I hit a plateau and thought, why am I denying myself for no results? I gave in to my inner child and indulged her for a few months and spoiled almost all that work I had done. I’m going to go to the RBW link. I need to be accountable, too.
Congratulations for trying and thank you for sharing. I hoep the Romance Biggest Winner really goes well for you all and look forward to hearing about your progress.
As someone who did have to have a gall bladder operation due to gall stones (do not ignore going yellow, it does not go away) can I point out that the diet you should be eating when you have gall stones will make you lose weight. It is the diet that inspired Rosemary Connelly’s Hip and Thigh Diet. It is absolutely no fat. So that means no cream, no cheese, no low fat, very little/light protien or very high quality meat, no dressings etc. You do lose weight and it staves off the bilary colic. It is also very hard. But severe bilary colic is worse and can damage your internal organs. Iti s amazing what something like avoiding going to hospital can do for your resolve.
If you do have gall stones which are rumbling on, they can sap your energy. After my gall bladder was removed, I was surprised how much energy I had. Actually my gall bladder problems and overhearing the doctors say — this lady doesn’t realise how close she is to death was the spur that started me writing.
You also need to get it checked out to see if you have them and what sort they are. Tiny ones cause more problems than a large one. The indigestion/cannon ball feeling could be from a number of things including an ulcer, liver problems, a heart condition. The operation to get rid of gall stones is now relatively simple in most cases.
Anyway, good luck with the weight reduction. It is the discipline to keep going day after day. I look forward to reading about your progress.
Welcome, Ashley! Great to see you here – had such fun on the Bandits’ day of March Madness!
Good luck with your Romance Biggest Winner – let us know how we can help you and do pop back and keep us posted on your progress.
If it helps, all of us here are in need of accountability to achieve a healthier lifestyle – that’s why we contribute to this blog. For whatever reasons we need that accountability, having somewhere to come and share our journey with like-minded people is so important. Especially when it comes to sharing tips for us to overcome our problems. You know that someone has been through it and has suggestions to help.
You’ve made a huge step forward in your journey by identifying the stumbling blocks to your success. By planning around those, you’ve a greater chance of success.
Remember to take your journey in small, manageable steps so that you’re not overwhelmed by the full task. Linked to that, set interim targets. The celebrate your successes along the way. Try to keep negativity our of your journey – use the times when you’re not doing well to plan for how to improve, instead of beating yourself up!
Remember too, that you’ll need to be patient with yourself. It hasn’t taken a day or week or month to get to your present position, so accept that it won’t take a day or week or month to put it right!
Hi Christy! =) It seems to go the same way for me. Whenever I lose weight, I let myself indulge a litte…and then it ends up being months of indulgence. I’ve come to accept that I have addictive, obsessive-compulsive behaviors when it comes to food. It doesn’t mean that I can’t indulge in a treat every now and then, but I have to be vigilant and watch everything that goes into my mouth. The most success I’ve ever had was writing down what I eat; when I stop doing that, I seem to give myself carte blanche to eat anything I want. And that is not good! =) I hope we both become much healthier by the end of this year.
Hi Michelle–thank you for all of this information! Yes, after having a number of issues over the past few months, I really do need to schedule an outpatient surgery. Like taking care of myself, it’s just something that I’ve been putting off. Now, though, I think I’ll call the doctor today… =)
Hi Anna! *waves* I think this is the best advice for someone one with my all-or-nothing personality. It’s something I know, too, but that I tend to ignore. I’ll have to visit to this blog post again and read it over and over. =) One of the things I’m really looking forward to is working on becoming a runner. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, and I think that will be my end goal in terms of a more personal motivation. I’d love to run a marathon one day! (Small steps first, though, right?
There are some great sites and books on learning to run, Ashley. The one my step-daughters use teaches you how to run a 5k, then 10k, then half-marathon and then full marathon. It’s in easy weak by week stages that helps you develop your breathing and pacing so you can run.
I know there are a few website programs that do the same thing – I know there was one called ‘from couch to 5k’.
I went from not being able to run at all to running a 5k in 3 months!
Congrats on being able to run a 5K–that’s amazing! I’ve heard great things about Couch to 5K. I also love the running magazines–so inspiring. Hopefully in the Romance Biggest Winner competition there will be some other aspiring runners and we can inspire each other along the way.
Thank you once again for creating this project and for sharing a story so many of us share. I have high hopes for RBW (love the name!) and look forward to starting 2012 feeling healthier and happier. I can’t help but believe there will be much fun along the way as well. I wouldn’t mind gaining new friends as I lose the pounds.
Hi Terri! I’m so glad you joined Romance Biggest Winner–I’m looking forward to getting to know you better! And yes, lots of fun! (How could there not be with romance readers and writers?
This story really touched me Ashley. You are so brave to share. Plus I love the idea of the competition!
Thank you, Cindy. I think one of the reasons why I don’t like speaking about things like this is because I don’t like to admit that I’m weak. Of course, everyone has weaknesses, but I feel like I’m to the point where I’m ready to become strong in all aspects of my life, including this one. (I finally woke up and figured out how I could reply directly to a message–yay!
Ashley, thank you for sharing your journey! I wish you all the best!
I had to learn a lot about myself and why I am the way I am in order to lose weight and keep it off. It was tough at times, but it was also very healing and rewarding.
Writing and reading and just communicating about it all helps me a lot on this journey. Some of the books that helped me the most were: Harriet Lerner’s Dance of Intimacy, David Kessler’s The end of overeating, Geneen Roth’s Women Food and Good and Marianne Williamson’s A Course in Weight Loss.
I also learned how to be as kind to myself as I am to others and be very careful in what stories I told myself. I pretty much got rid of that negative self-talk and try to be conscious of my reactions to situations I don’t control (which is almost everything – you only control yourself and your reactions.)
These are such personal journeys. What works for you may not work for me and vice versa. I look forward to reading about your journey and cheering you on.
Hi Michelle! These are some great suggestions–I’ll have to check the titles out. I did read a lot of THE END OF OVEREATING, and it was pretty fascinating. I agree with you about the self-talk; I think this defeats a lot of women. Did you do the positive affirmations? I’ve heard it helps, but have never tried it myself before.
I did do some positive affirmations but not tons and not in a systematic way. I spent more time reframing my thoughts/reactions to situations and just really tried to not speak to myself in a way I would never speak to another. I read a touchy-feely writing book written by a psychoanalyst that said that negative self-talk was aimed at your inner 7-year-old and who would speak that harshly to a child. That helped me stop too.
Hi Ms. Ashley,
I too need to lose a hundred pounds or more for my health!! Author, blogger here with a full time job!! I really know, how hard it is!! since I too use food to de-stress and comfort me!! I am kind of glutton!!
Your post is cool and kind of motivating!! Telling me, I too need to put efforts!!
with warm regards
Another Author
HI Abhishek! So glad the post motivated you! I wish you all the best in your own journey to get healthy. Without meaning to sound corny–we can do it!
[...] for a personal account of my reason for coordinating the Romance Biggest Winner competition, see my blog post yesterday at Healthy Writer (I love this [...]