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The Dark Side of the Holidays
 Posted by Michelle Butler Dec 11 2011, 7:22 pm in Emotional Eating, Holidays, Michelle Butler, Michelle Mondays, stress I first wrote this post two years ago, but it can be such a big part of the season that is never talked about. Even if you are enjoying the holidays thoroughly, some of the following may trip you up every now and then. It can also make you start counting down the days to January 2. I thought it was important enough to share it again. By now, you have probably heard more times than you care to how much weight the average person gains over the holidays. The usual assumption is that people gain weight because they can’t resist the temptation of all the yummy foods that are everywhere this time of the year. I think some of that weight gain may be caused by the darker side of the holidays – the negative thoughts and emotions this time of year can engender. If you are an emotional eater, you may want to dive into that plate of Christmas cookies to push down those unsettling feelings. Many people turn to food for comfort, and I can be at the front of that line. I honestly believe that one of the best ways to combat emotional eating is to try to work out the negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions that you’d rather suppress by eating. Furthermore, working out these feelings can help you control other, more negative reactions than stuffing your face. This is hard stuff, but awareness is the first step of that battle. Are you feeling any negative thoughts or emotions because of the holidays? Does any of the following sound familiar? Stress: The holidays are supposedly a time of joy and happiness and all you feel is stressed out. There is so much to do this time of the year, and a lot of it is left to the wife or mother to accomplish. You may be struggling to get it all done and feel resentful that you aren’t enjoying all the work you are putting into the holidays or the fact that nobody seems to appreciate your efforts. You are starting to skip doing the stuff that you do just for yourself and sliding back into bad health habits. You may resent that this seems so much easier for everyone else. You may even be looking forward to January when things return to normal. You deserve a pick-me-up in the form of a cookie or two or three. Eating for reward is so tempting. Financial Concerns: The holidays are so expensive. I’ve often thought that I just can’t save during the holidays and have, at times, worried about acquiring debt from the presents I feel I have to purchase or the travel plans I make to spend time with family. This is an even tougher year financially for most. Are you worried about money and feel like the holidays are making you lose control? How many presents do you need to give your children so that they aren’t deprived? How much do you splurge on your plans for the festive meals? How do you pay for it all – especially if you are worried about being laid off or you have recently lost your job? Loneliness: The holidays are supposedly about family. If you don’t have one, you’re estranged from your own, or you live far away from them, you may feel lonely now. You may not feel like you should fuss over the holidays or decorating if it’s all just for you. All the commercials, holiday specials and holiday movies show perfect looking people bonding over their family ties – or at least that’s how it looks to you. Single people may feel their lack of a life partner most keenly right now. Many profiles on EHarmony or Match.com have been completely rewritten in the past few weeks. The latest version of those darn match and eHarmony commercials are showing up on TV during your favorite shows. You feel like everyone in the whole world has someone to share this special time with but you, so why shouldn’t you bake dozens of your favorite cookies and eat them this weekend. Who’s Missing at the Celebration?: Is someone you love currently deployed? The year my father was in Panama for Operation Just Cause instead of in Connecticut for Christmas Eve is not my favorite holiday ever. Has someone you loved passed away in the past year? You’re going to miss them keenly at the holidays and relieve part of the grieving process. You may miss someone who passed away 10, 20 or 30 years ago. The loved one may be at the celebration but seems so changed that you still miss him or her. You may be with your in-laws or friends and wish you were with your own family or vice versa. Merry Christmas from the Family: Have you ever heard this Robert Earl Keen song? It’s about a dysfunctional family celebrating Christmas, and it’s not Currier & Ives type stuff, but it may be much more realistic than your favorite holiday movie. Are there suppressed emotions, disagreements, or other unpleasantness that always seem to erupt at dinner – or are you so sick of seeing others ignore it? Time Flies: How can it be the holidays again already? Where did the time go? It’s another year gone and you’re getting older. You had so many things you wanted to accomplish this year with nothing to show for it. Spiritual Emptiness: Christmas is a major religious holiday for some, and Hanukkah has become more important than it was for centuries. Are you feeling it? Do you want to? Do you believe? Did you before but not anymore? Are you a Christmas/Easter Christian and feeling guilty? Do you resent the questions? I’m not Christian and I wish everyone would stop talking about Christmas: You cannot escape from all the Carols. You are so sick of secular and religious celebrants of Christmas shoving the holiday in your face and making it more difficult for you and your family to stay true to your beliefs. Does any of the above sound familiar? Are there other issues that you are struggling with right now? Are they making you overeat? Figuring out what’s bothering you may help you start working out the issues and help prevent the average weight gain of the holidays. More importantly, it’ll help you feel better.
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Michelle, this is a great post to pull out of the vault. For me, there’s stress and there’s the sense that another year is over and I don’t have that much to show for it–either in writing or in health. I’m fortunate to have everyone happy and healthy, and we’ll enjoy Christmas, but I’m sometimes close to the point of shutting down because my to-do list is always long and requires more time than I have. You know what they say–the first step is admitting you have a problem…
Can you trim your to-do list? Do you have to do it all? Can you simplify, streamline or cut any of it? Are you expecting to much out of yourself – more than any one person could possibly do given all her responsibilities?
I’ve found that I can’t seem to escape that sense at one point that “another year is over and I don’t have that much to show for it” in certain areas or, in bad years, all parts of my life. Some of this is me just being to hard on myself, but some of it may be helpful as a way of making myself more aware of the choices I make and their effect on my ongoing goals.
I should trim my to-do list, but i finally talked myself into delegating some of it–that’s helped!
I love this post. We are a small family with no obligations to travel. Nor will we anymore–and yes, I am estranged from my mother but that was by choice for my own sanity. We have a budget every year which we sometimes go over, but we pay into it every month out of the paycheck so it is a set amount. Hubby and I don’t need much, so most of it goes to the teen. But even then, it’s a low amount compared to how so many others spend. This year was a bit hard for me–many sad events occurred and we had a massive cell of tornadoes outbreak on April 20th. Just a tough year. I usually send a card with a nice letter inside, but this year I kept it short and simple. 4 sentences. No time to do more. And my hubby is out of town for 3 weeks–left the 30th of November and will return 20th of December. I’ve made plans with lots of friends and tried to keep the loneliness at bay. My daughter is a busy teen so she’s gone a lot, but I have spent quality time with her as well as with her friends coming to the house. I just am being very gentle to myself. The silver lining in hubby being gone for 3 weeks is that I don’t have to cook regular meals. We’re living on Weight Watcher’s frozen meals! I’ve lost 2.5 pounds since he left town!
I think we’re doing okay. I do miss my old city where we had so many traditions with friends and here we have none. But that’s okay. We’re making new traditions and learning that every year there is something new to discover about ourselves.
And we’re the lucky ones. I feel for the military families who have loved ones deployed and in dangerous war zones.
I hope you have wonderful Christmas.
Thanks, Christine! It sounds like you have a really good handle on things.
It also sounds like you’ve had a recent move. Are there things you can do in the new year to help you meet people and make more friends in your new city? Is there a local RWA chapter? Can you volunteer a little for a cause you care about and to meet like minded people? Can you throw a little party for the folks you do know a little and would like to know better? Or arrange a gathering at a local restaurant – a girls night out?
As a kid growing up, Christmas had a special magical glow until I was 11 or 12. Now that I have an under-11 kid, the glow is back because I get to see Christmas through her eyes, and that’s just fun.
It *wasn’t* as fun a holiday when it was just grown-ups around. I’ll need to think about that as my daughter grows older–how to keep the Christmas magic alive for me and the others around me.
I like the idea of doing some Christmas-related volunteering. That might help.
I’m glad that Christmas has a glow again.
Great post, Michelle. Very wise.
I also think we can talk ourselves into eating by saying it is just too hard to resist all the holiday food and I’ll just get started again in January when everything returns to normal.
My goal is to just be as sensible as I can be about my eating. I’ll keep track of what I eat and try to stay within the WW program.
Thanks, Diane! I would add that it sounds like your doing better than I am with eating this festive season. Good luck!